Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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