he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
