The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
