My liver just broke up with me...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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