apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
