You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
