Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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