it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
