so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
