what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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