I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
