I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
