I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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