just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
