You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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