We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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