She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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