I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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