Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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