My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
