well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"