Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?