There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
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That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again