Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
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Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i now understand why vodka