do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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