im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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