***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I could make wine with my vomit
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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