Kiss
Puke
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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