hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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