He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
