Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
