I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
