had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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