Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize