WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
