I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
