i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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