Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
