dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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