He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
