AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
