i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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