based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
