I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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