No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
