sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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