Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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