It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize