I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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