stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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