The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
