In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
