her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
