now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
