It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
