its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
