He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm at about main and main street
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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