I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
